Simon Lane

Simon is most well known for his astonishing range of voice acting, along with his unique brand of humour. Simon once visited the Dalai Lama in Tibet, and kissed him full on the mouth.

He was born as a result of a torrid union between a dwarven prostitute and Samuel Pepys in 1666 during the Great Fire of London. Simon likes Jaffa Cakes, Pimms and punting on the Thames. His interests also include Tina Barrett and Toaster Bags.

If you prefer Simon over Lewis, you are a Yognaught, not a Yognaut.

He is less well known for his cameo appearance as the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies in the television series ‘Allo ‘Allo. He has also cooperated on projects involving The Chuckle Brothers, S Club 7 and The Clangers. Some people say he sounds like an anime. Simon used to walk 15 miles every day, until he learned that cars had been invented. Now he drives everywhere (until his £50 car was towed away because he didn't pay his tax).

Simon's Minecraft character is called Honeydew, and he claims to be somewhat of an expert at that game, as he has been playing it since time immemorial (he literally can't remember a time before Minecraft).

Simon is also a budding songwriter. He originally made covers of Parry Gripp songs (Shopping Penguin and Chimpanzee Riding on a Segway) but has now written a song of his own inspired by Parry Gripp called "Elephant Having A Wank". One of Simons most endearing songs is 'Diggy Diggy Hole', an instant hit with the Yogscast public, and wider circles within the music industry.

Simon is a world renown strongman and sex icon, winning the World's Sexiest Man contest for three consecutive years, from 1981-1983.

Simon is not currently playing World of Warcraft, but he was most recently playing Honeybeard, a level 85 Hunter.

Oh yeah, he's a beast.

Notable Quotes
This is a constantly evolving list of Simon's sayings and quirky running jokes.


 * Scottish dwarf voice* "Follow me!"
 * "Balls to it, Lewis. Balls to it."
 * "The thing is..."
 * "Come on LET'S DO THIS!"
 * "That's a very nice everything you have there..."
 * "Hellooo..."
 * "The size... of a tangerine."
 * "COME 'ERE!"
 * "We didn't burn anything!"
 * "Diggy Diggy Hole"
 * "Ya bugger!"
 * "I'm not saying I did die, Im saying I may have died."
 * "Oh this is just taking the piss...."
 * "Aaaaaaaaaaaaw!"
 * "A R S E is the best spell combo"
 * "For KHAZ MODAN"
 * Smug Face... :3
 * KKKKKKKKKKHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 * WE DIDN'T BURN HIM!
 * I shot my Bolt!
 * A lovely Jaffa...
 * "Why! Oh God Why!" - most common statement at time of character death.

Solo Projects in Association with Yogscast
Simon has, on rare occasion, managed to hijack the BlueXephos chanel on YouTube, enabling him to post content in which he is the central character. This content tends to be superficially innocent and light, but upon closer examination reveals a twisted, diabolical malevolance and passive agressive Machiavellian instinct that can only mean Simon's ultimate goal for the Yogscast is total world domination. These videos generally fall into two basic yet far reaching categories, which are: Simon Sings, and Simon Plays.

The Simon Plays (insert title here) series are simple Let's Play videos of various computer / console games, ocasionally voiced in character, with a narrarive thread roughly maintained throughout the video.

The Simon's Songs series of videos is a collection of brief musical interludes wherin Simon does his best vocal impersonation of a cat being used to clean a rug. These videos demonstrate Simon's mind at work, as he eventually arrives at the perfect understanding of the two key critical lyrical elements that have defined success for one of his favorite musical artists, Perry Grip, culminating in what is bound to be one of the top music videos of 2011, Elephant Having A Wank. The actual category the video will fall in to (best or worst of 2011) is still in doubt.