FLAT! is a song written and recorded live by Hat Films on their livestream on June 15, 2016.[1] The song is later released on the same day on Bandcamp, iTunes and Spotify.


During the 2015 Jingle Jam on 4th December 2015, Hat Films speed produced six of seven tracks of their album Population: You in nearly seven hours. The trio plans to recreate a similar album live on 15th June 2016, although scaled-down to just three songs as they are limited to less than five hours.[2]

Hat Films requests the viewers to decide the theme of the songs based on current affairs or popular culture that Hat Films can put comic relief on.[3] After selecting a couple of suggestions from the chat, Trott puts out a straw poll for the viewers to make the final decision. The theme of Flat Earth Theory is selected for the first song, receiving 53% of the votes.[4] Due to time underestimation, no further songs are recorded during the livestream.[5]

Alex and Trott focus on writing the lyrics while Ross focus on composing the track. Many lyrics were written based on the various theories put forth by Flat-Earthers, as well as lyric suggestions by the viewers. Lewis and Turps also help to contribute to the lyrics.[6][7] The lyrics are then trimmed down to the final version.

Track ListEdit

  1. FLAT! (3:02)
  2. FLAT! (Instrumental) (3:02)


Hey ya'll, straight talk OK?
There's some flat out things I gotta say
Roundies, hear me out
Stop bending theories
It's time to straighten things out!

Edging in my bedroom got me thinkin' 'bout the edge
Not the guy from U2, the fucking Earth ledge
Gotta prove you roundies wrong, so I strolled outside
Flat cap, flat battery, let's theorize.

I took a really long stick and put it on the ground
That bitch stayed flat 'cuz the Earth's not round!
The Earth is flat and I'll prove it in this song
Just like my Mountain Dew that's been out too long

My credit card, FLAT!
My ruler, FLAT!
This paper, FLAT!
Where I live, FLAT!
The tires on my bike, FLAT!
The soda in my hand, FLAT!
My singing pitch, FLAT!
This whole world, FLAT!

Open your damn eyes, you round-Earth clown
Take a quick look! Man, the sky is up not down
If the Earth is round and we're sitting on the top
Then stuff at the bottom probably fell off

Dragons fly at the end of the Earth
Been soaring through the sky since our flat world's birth
You're not believing this and calling us schmucks?
I'll show you what's round, take a look at deez nuts!


Clearly the Moon is flat, there's no dark side
Nobody went there, NASA fucking lied
Hey roundies, how's that hot core doing?
You're filling kids head with the shit you're spewin'

So I took a big boat to the end of the world
And before my little eyes the truth unfurled
There were dragons, and beasts, and awful things like that
I sailed right home 'cuz the world's so flat.


UHHH, excuse me sir, I believe your facts aren't sound
The circumference of the Earth is 40 megametres round!
If the world is flat, which projection is factual?
Mercator, Gall-Peters, or maybe the sinusoidal?

A globe is always right, the flat must be distorted
Which clearly means your theory is thwarted!
So, the Earth, our home, is an oblate spheroid
I'm dropping the truth, your theory is destroyed!

You think the Earth's flat just like your sister's chest?
Well that makes sense, you haven't seen real breasts!
Earth is the only planet not named after a Deity
It's a place of science, and the home of your virginity!


Thank you.


  • The livestream can be viewed in full here on Hat Films Extra YouTube page. A highlights video of the livestream can be viewed here.


  1. "IMPROV SEXY #music LIVE!" livestream by Hat Films on Twitch
  2. "IMPROV MUSIC - FLAT!" by Hat Films from 00:04:32 to 00:05:27
  3. "IMPROV MUSIC - FLAT!" by Hat Films from 00:05:27 to 00:05:42
  4. Straw Poll result for the first song
  5. "IMPROV MUSIC - FLAT!" by Hat Films from 03:28:55
  6. "IMPROV MUSIC - FLAT!" by Hat Films at 00:37:07
  7. "IMPROV MUSIC - FLAT!" by Hat Films at 01:12:24
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